We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
