he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
