UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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