she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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