its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
