So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
