Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
