It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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