Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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