Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
