please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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