her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
