When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
