I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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