ugly people sure do ruin things
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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