Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
