My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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