Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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