Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
