Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
