There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
