he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
