fuck your aforementioned shoe
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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