I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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