my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are we still banned from the library?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
