these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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