u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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