New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
