i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
