The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
