I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
