and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
