How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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