he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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