No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
