hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize