Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
