that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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