Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
