you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
