He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize