i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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