He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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