I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
