Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
