I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize