you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
