Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
