everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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