We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
