marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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