it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
