I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
