She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
