that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
