omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
