the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
