The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
