I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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