My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
