Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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