I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
