...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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