Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
