I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dignity is for republicans.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
