i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
