im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
