i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
