She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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