Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize