If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
