Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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