Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
