Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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