i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
