I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
