Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
