I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize