why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
